Self-Care as a Path to Self- Confidence
Self-Care as a Path to Self-Confidence
By Atabuxi
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
“You can’t pour from an empty cup” is one of the most common phrases used in the helping professions to warn people about the dangers of burnout. However, strangely enough, it is the one truth that those of us who work in the industry fail to heed most often. We preach it to our clients, our students, and our patients, but sadly, we rarely apply the medicine to ourselves.
For the better part of my 25 year career as a School Counselor, I had bought into the mistaken belief that putting everyone else’s needs before my own was a noble thing and that it somehow made me a "better" caregiver. Added to that erroneous belief, was the misguided notion that self-care was a luxury, something you only did if you had extra time or money lying around to indulge in "frivolous" things such as getting a massage, spending a day at the spa, or a taking a bubble bath with a glass of champagne.
Because I had this distorted view, I didn't take my wellness seriously. And as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) in a very stressful job, I suffered for it. And though my body screamed for me to take better care of myself, her cries fell on deaf ears, as I continued to fake it till I made it despite my declining health and deteriorating self-esteem.
When Your Cup Runs Dry
For me, the pandemic was the time I hit rock bottom and found myself in full blown burnout. The symptoms were intense and grossly unpleasant: insomnia that left me tired but wired, headaches that felt as if my skull was about to explode, debilitating anxiety and depression, lack of energy, exponential weight gain, compassion fatigue and a heavy, suffocating brain fog that would not lift.
The turning point happened one afternoon during what should have been a peaceful break. I had gone for a post-lunch walk to the park near my job, trying to find a moment of quiet. As I was heading back to my school building, it happened: I suddenly felt as if someone had hit me with a bat on the back of the head.
Suddenly, my world turned upside down. I lost all my strength in an instant and felt as if I were about to faint. I had to grab hold of a nearby fence, my knuckles white, just to stop myself from hitting the pavement. That one-block walk back to my school building felt like an agonizing mile. But I forced myself forward, step by step, because the fear of collapsing in the street with no one I knew to help me was absolutely terrifying.
After leaving early and heading straight to the doctor, followed by a battery of neurological tests, my doctor’s diagnosis: You are suffering from Chronic Stress. When you are in burnout, having unexplained psychosomatic aches and pains with no diagnosable cause is a quite common, yet frightening, experience. And that is the moment I realized that my cup had ‘run dry’ and I had no choice but to make my health and my well-being my number one priority.
The Burden of Being Highly Sensitive
As many Highly Sensitive people often do, I had spent years seeking ways to self-regulate. I had no choice, because the constant feeling of overstimulation and overwhelm that comes with being highly sensitive, forced me to always be looking for a path to calm my nervous system. This constant search led me to study many different healing modalities and one of the most significant was becoming certified as a Somatic Movement Educator (SME).
Ironically, I was always very happy to share my expertise with everyone else. I would pour my heart into helping others find balance, but somehow, I could never seem to invest that same benevolent level of care, nurturance, and compassion in myself. And to be quite honest, I am embarrassed to say that even though I preached to every else about the importance of taking care of yourself, I treated my own self-care as a burdensome chore- a tedious and bothersome task that greatly annoyed me. Why did I have to be so God Dam Sensitive?!
But when the pandemic hit, it changed everything. That is when I learned the hard way that self-care is not a luxury; it is an absolute necessity, especially for those of us on the more sensitive side. And so I said to myself, "OK, I might as well use the techniques I learned in my training to see if I can nurse myself back to health. After all, what is there for me to lose?"
The ROI of Somatic Embodiment Work
Investing in my self-care has been the single most profitable venture I have ever embarked on- one that has yielded many happy returns and unexpected blessings that changed the entire trajectory of my life. Some of these blessings include:
1. A Healed Relationship with My Body: Something magical happens when you make a commitment to heal yourself and start taking concrete steps toward improving your wellbeing. It is as if your body, knowing that you got her back, finally gets to exhale and get back to the business of restoring balance. The biggest mental shift was moving from seeing my body as a burden to seeing it as a Divine Assignment. I realized that my well-being was a sacred task that was entrusted specifically to me. As a result, taking care of myself stopped feeling like a chore and started feeling like a profound honor that I was proud to carry out.
2. Coming Home to Yourself: Learning to self-regulate through somatic embodiment work, I have learned that my body is my home, a sanctuary. No matter how chaotic or unbalanced the world felt around me, I knew I could always "come home" to myself through somatic practice.
3. Improved Health: My chronic headaches disappeared, my sleep cycle was restored, I gained a level of mental clarity and physical vitality I hadn't felt in years. And surprisingly enough, I started losing weight without even trying.
4- Genuine Rooted Self-Confidence: There are so many programs out there that claim to help you build self-confidence through public speaking, personal style, trendy diet and fitness routines, affirmations or even body posture and poses. However, as a somatic practitioner, I have found that the most effective way to develop genuine self- confidence is through Self-Care.
Looking at the root of the word Confidence: Con means with and Fidere means trust or faith. So the phrase Self- Confidence translates into “with Faith or Trust in Yourself. ” Imagine if you confided in a friend, and instead of listening, they cut you off, ignored you, or broke their promises. You wouldn't be friends for long, because you wouldn't trust them. Most of us treat our bodies like that "bad friend." We ignore the signals our bodies send us until our bodies lose faith in us. The beauty of somatic embodiment work is that it allows you to heal that antagonistic relationship by putting in some “QT” (quality time) which in turn helps build a very special kind of trust that comes from your body knowing that when it communicates something, you will listen and respond. And that trust then transforms into a Self-Confidence that radiates from within.
5- The Gift in Disguise: But the best return on my investment by far, was an extra blessing I had not expected. Once I was no longer stuck in survival mode, I suddenly had a surplus of energy. It felt as if a clog had been removed from the pipes through which my creativity flowed and for the first time in years, I was able to open the faucet and let my creative energy pour out. With access to this new source of energy and my creative fire reignited, I was able to devote that extra life force to my creative pursuits and get back to my lifelong dream of creating a women’s wellness program- which is what led to the birth of the Diva Dancer Project.
What is the Diva Dancer Project?
The Diva Dancer Project is a comprehensive Women’s Wellness program inspired from my own journey of healing. It combines the beautiful art of Bellydance, the science of Somatic Embodiment, Holistic Womb Healing and the art of Sacred Self-Care. My mission is to empower women, especially those who are highly sensitive and creative, to take a more proactive approach toward improving their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. But the ultimate goal goes beyond stress management or easing physical aches and pains, to helping you heal your relationship with your womb, remove creative blocks, and get back in touch with your Divine Feminine Power so you can use your special gifts to create the impact you were meant to make in the world.
Are You Ready to "DO YOU"?
If you are a highly sensitive sister stuck in burnout, and even though you “know better” you continue to put everyone else’s needs first, I am here to tell you: Your self-care is not a waste of time. It is the foundation of the most important relationship you will ever have: the relationship with yourself.
You deserve to feel the same love, the same level of nurturance and care that you give away so freely to others. So if you are ready to stop faking it till you make it, and start making a real effort toward building the type of self-confidence that comes from trusting yourself, from knowing that you have your back, from not abandoning yourself, and from keeping your promises and showing up for your own self despite the many challenges that come your way, I would love to support you.
To get you started on your journey toward Total Wellness, I have created a free gift for you: the Diva Dancer Somatic Self-Care Checklist- a simple tool that will help you put in that “Quality Time” that your inner self desperately needs. This is your time to DO YOU!
Click HERE to download your free Somatic Self-Care Checklist.
I look forward to connecting with you soon. And until next time we meet, take good care of Yourself, and may your Divine Feminine Within smile upon you and grace you with her presence.
With Love,
Atabuxi
Creator & Founder of the Diva Dancer Project
P.S. The Diva Dancer Total Women's Wellness Project is a comprehensive Women's' Wellness Program that incorporates Bellydance, Somatic Embodiment Work, Holistic Womb Healing & Self Care to help empower women to take a more proactive approach toward improving their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. If you like what you read here, and you want to find out more about how you can benefit from this wellness program, click HERE to sign up for my email list and get notified about upcoming Diva Dancer workshops.
